how to kill worry?

Had murdering worry/anxiety been a crime,i for one would should sure not be a criminal! i guess that spell everything i am about to write further. Am a creature of worry.Literally! like astrologers can see one's birth charts and tell which sign one belongs to, any ordinary person(without astro skills)can say am born under,live with and breathe worry. what i realize is that am not the only person in this category.

lets get to how i realized this..one fine day at work a friend of mine walked up to me and asked"Everything ok?" One could expect that maybe i was looking worried, well even i thought the same and said"yes, why do you ask?" and was promptly answered" you don't LOOK worried today!"

with this incident i try to look normal.(but what is a normal look to me is worried or confused look for every1 else.) I tried to read a very intresting book "How to stop worrying and start living"(oh yeah!i got to the point of worrying that 'OMG!!am i nuts enough to need this!!!') but what i actually did learn is the i do not worry because of what i have on hand.i worry about what i might have/ not have which is very futile. which brings me to a saying my dear sane mother keeps quoting 'CROSS THE BRIDGE WHEN IT COME'(well that is my mother) and when i hear it, my brain retorts(WHAT IF IT ISN'T THERE WHEN I REACH IT' ( Alas! thats me)..
happy worrying...oh sorry(old habits do die hard)
happy evening :)

commonly clueless

Even with the ever evolving medical science,my grandfather aptly says"there is no exact cause or cure for headache and cold".Am a generous host for my parasite guests.with the onset of a new season my guests(the cold parasite)claims and clamours for my hospitality with full force and hang on with all their might till the next season(a good 2 months at the least).meanwhile they don't sit idle,there is a horde of activity going on within me.

lets compare it to a film's end to end activity.the main parasite chooses a location,feels at home produces its effect(makes one ill),starts distributing itself around then flops off.like a movie's location,plot,action(one falling ill),production and distribution(everyone around catching the cold).i wonder if these germs have song shoots and dancing around blood vessels and stuff like that,what would they sing..main hun DON!!hehahaha(gabbar-samba style laugh)

that reminds me,my sister tells me that corporate entities these days have central air conditioning.so what would it be like if i catch a cold(a common occurrence) and end up at work??RESIDENT EVIL part whatever??

well,getting back to my guests,after getting everyone around me ill,i feel like kicking them tom and jerry style when i remember a friend's t-shirt with a quote"germs have feeling too" and end up just taking an antibiotic(one that never works effectively).this eventually brings me back to my grandpa's "no cause or cure for common cold"..signing off without a clue as to why did i catch the cold in the first place.:(

p.s:dear cold parasite(the one with feeling),please find another host!!!!

p.p.s:written in frustration,no hard feelings:P

dear love

dear love,

i believe every1 falls in love at a certain point in life.like life's varied stages even love passes through many turns,matures and eventually blossoms.come to think of it its more like a delicate creeper,one that grows depending upon the strength of the substance that holds n supports it to grow.slowly growing roots and displaying a beautiful personality of it own..as it grows further and nourishes itself it displays the strength not only to support itself but also to exhibit its best to the world.to me,love is like the creeper,the younger it starts,more delicate it is.supported by dreams,aspiration and imagination.as i grow and acknowledge the person i am,i have the strength to support my dreams and aspirations.but at the same time i learn to sift through these emotions to find what love actually is.as i mature as a person the meaning of true love takes roots and i grow the courage to say no to any kind of compromise for love.and as i stand today,i feel prouder to have learnt to have said no to save some good friendships.to me dear love,you are like a part of a big puzzle and not the puzzle itself(unlike what i had once thought).though life can be lived without your presence,its undeniably better to have you in my life.and by love i dont want to limit you by giving a name of a relation...i find you everywhere,in my family,through my friends,through my critics,even in people i dont have any relation with and even pets...i hope to find better ways to express you and to give you to people who deserve it..

my debt to a kabuthar( pigeon)

i remember all those old stories in which one reads about pigeons,which were our ancient postal system..the kings used them,the warriors,the heers and ranjhas of those times so on and so forth and then our bollywood played an important role in reminding us of them....well all these flashes of introduction are for a simple reason...my elder sister and I wanted to relive this ancient..well it was a novel experience for me as i had written letters so far in 3 languages only for marks in school and that never was as exciting as this one...especially because i never had to stick a stamp on the envelope and drop it in the post box.

as for the experience for waiting for a letter(one which never reached)was also very rel.in short annoying.my sister called to tell that maybe her postman dint understand my handwriting,which is strange as i had received her letter which bore her handwriting

(which is akin to a pigeons's).she also introduced me to a new variety of speed post."stick a stamp of smaller denomination"she said.i wonder if the postman is a direct descendant of pigeon or if he were a pigeon in his last life,because for all i know the "speed post" i sent might also be lost if he cant read neat handwriting.i wish he has a course from a pigeon to know how to read envelopes and would be my debt to my kabuthar.

my eternal love..

As i grew up in this Bollywood crazy country,i soaked some of my ambiance..where one sees or rather hears cliché dialogs of main tumhare liye chand thod launga..(literally..ill break the moon for you..)everyday,which sounds silly but Juliet still fell for the road romeo for these dialogs.oh even i occasionally believe in werewolves on full moons,friendly vampires,knights in shining armors and unicorns...but presently as i grow up,these knights in armors are turning to be vampires(only less charming than edward cullen)...as one tries to convey his/her thoughts of this so called love across to their beloved,i see this effect of Bollywood in their lives... it brings back the fond memories of those iron particles going hey-wire due to the effect of a magnet(thier near future)and of the old man in the salon giving his customer a center shock hairstyle(their mental condition after the gloss fades away,like toms love for jerry)....i believe that a day will come when opposites will repel and likes will attract,so unlike my magnet's nature,and i wish to its reaction....

i vividly remember jai(imran khan) telling simran(sonam kapoor)"yeh sab tumhare un stupid filmon k wajah se hua hai"(all this has happened because of your stupid films) and i so agree with the title"i hate love stories"(when its meaningless)

eppo kallambarengo?(when are u leaving?)

one simple journey started when my aunt and i wanted to visit another aunt of mine in Bangaluru.the day being the day the country's most awaited and hyped verdict was to be given,the Ayodhya verdict to be precise.the sensational hype created by the nation by giving early leaves to all working bodies to avoid any kind of violence was amazing.

everyone at my place was glued to the television anticipating the verdict.the chatter by the reporter being echoed by my grandpa...eppo kallambarengo?!you will be in trouble if you delay your departure......

my frantic aunt from bangaluru calling to inquire...are you coming?eppo kallambarengo?

my parents getting tensed by the moment...meanwhile 'iron leg'(my nick name which has nothing to do with my leg more of my luck of always reaching late during a journey)was packing few snacks in anticipation of the combined effect of my luck and the verdict's after effect.

though with all the hype we were blessed to have got empty busses on time(those who have travelled with luggage on the rush hour buses would agree) and reached the station early enough to see all the passengers of our train with ample time to spare to check out the whole station.

with nothing to do my aunt and i chat and slowly board our train.our bay mainly consisting of ladies,we chit chat about all thing including the 'verdict' and time flew.ironically we reached out destination on the dot.andf life seemed better if not normal.

a coolie haggling with all his worth and an old couple not giving an inch,famalies reaching out to each other,enthusiastic friends calling each other,the auto wallahs nagging elli hogidhira..auto beka...life seemed normal..as good as any other day and there i pause for a second and wished to ask all the sensation creating news channels who try to provoke a peaceful nation "EPPO KALLAMBARENGO?"

amendment??over what?

An amendment they call it….why this big word has little importance in our country is beyond me. When I read the papers that splash this amendment all over the paper but have a nagging doubt if it will ever see some daylight! This amendment that has made an appearance after decades of struggle from the activists fighting for a safe future for our womankind, will it really get effective support?

Amateur is what I call myself in this arena. I believe every girl everywhere must have gone through a kind of harassment somewhere at some point of time,what she does or how she deals with it might be different.what was her fault i ask myself.was it that she was born a girl to begin with?or is it the a handful of males can't accept her as part of the so called their “domain”. Though this change is welcome, it still belittles the trauma faced by the victim to a mere punishment of small fines and leniency on part of the police force.

The government expects a woman to voice out when she is harassed sexually or abused in any manner. How it asks of it so blatantly is hard to understand. Especially when a few shameless police officials are part of this crime? How does a person expect a sound response when he has stifled it with so much ease? Would it feel akin to being choked and asked to speak just after releasing the grip?

In all the emotional tangles she faces that are a mixture of shame, humiliation, helplessness, anger and frustration,this may seem like a small ray of light after a turbulent dark night.what the government fails to notice is that if this amendment has taken 3 decades to take some hazy form,how long would it be effectively implemented to erase the crimes in the sector which are running in 5 digit scales already?

is this consideration, an elusion or just an illusion?

Reminisce

This time of the year is back where i usually muse over my deeds of the past year,categorize them into 4 columns..good,bad,improve and remove.....well this assessment goes on throughout the year but this is when i actually decide what to change in and around me.I remember last year i had made a resolution by this time,to not have unnecessary arguments.i had made a long list but this was my first priority.well as resolutions are fated to be broken,inevitably even this faced the same fate.So this year am amendeing it a bit and puting it up on the list like decorations on a christmas tree.this year i realised that having a different opinion is not unusual,but what you make of it can make the issue,the person involved or you unique.Its not uncommon to dislike people,i have heard this umpteen times.but the problem i realised lies in my reasoning.its somehow like a child's,who would like or dislike anything for a a very minute or simple reason which may sound ridiculous to anyone of my age.like...this new year i was planning not to wish a few people,just to see if they would remember to,alas!they dint.and this became a simple but complex reason for me to be really silent around them...to the point where one might say i just ignore(well this is better than arguing and making a fuss)......in short i have made a few decisions like
not to be overfriendly
not to talk until its necessary around a few people(around those who dont acknowledge my existance)
not be too frank
to pull my self control up a notch......
well these are a few decisions(NOT resolutions) that i feel is i can improve,remove........
if you have suggestions or advices,please do me the favour of letting me know here.
have a great year ahead...

Bewildered

this diwali has been an emotional turmoil.these past days i was wondering what do i write about?but now concluded on puting forth my thoughts in this blog.has anyone felt like they were in a cross road where they were captured in the center of it?where they were locked or bound in a human circle of expectations exactly opposite to atleast one person in the same circle?have there been such moments where the whole world had gone in a blur because of your own conflicting mind or fickle emotions?have there been times where one's happiness seems to a heartbreak to another??can it be so that what's good for us actually hurts us the most?can it be that whats right for others is wrong to me and whats right for me is wrong to others?in all these questions and no answers to seek,is it a crime to follow our heart?to break myself free from this complicatedly linked emotional prison am bound to break a few links considering its good for them,but is it really?i had thought that everything does'nt last,still think so,am i wrong?while my life was a beautiful tapestry with spools of threads thrown in due to the presense of a few people its heartbreaking to pull a few out and leave an unfinished picture....an unfinished picture called experience which fills itself again with threads of courage which turns out to be a distinct picture of life...a courage which lends the strength to move on no matter what awaits you at the end of the dark tunnel.as light follows darkness in myths...i hope this light fills in the life of people who have moved ahead or are left behind....i wish this diwali their life's loose threads get tied up and gives them an oppertunity to seek their happiness......i also wish i could gift a little happiness to them too..

A walk to remember.

Dont mistake this post to be about the book or the film by this name.This is about just an ordinary walk which keeps giving me the feeling of deja vu.On a cold rainy night as I walk back home from my bus stop there are lot of things happening in and around me.I curse the moist weather for being so since two days.On my way the road seems deserted and a bit creepy.The only few people seen are huddled near the chat walah.The aroma of the spicy dishes beckons me but Imove on.The clicking of my watch coincides with my heartbeat.As I walk through gusts of wind I feel chilled to the bone and yearn to reach home as soon as possible.Eventhough the road seems never ending I have no choice to move on and fantasize of seeing my house walking to pick me up from the busstop just to be brought out of it from my dream by a little girl smiling and enjoying the rain.I search through myself to find enough enthusiasm to return her smile with adequate radiance to keep her happy and walk on having a trace of that smile left on my lips.Am jarred by two ruffians who speed past leering and commenting in a vile language.Relief courses through me to see them gone only to find them coming back.I tremble with terror and rage in equal proportions while am ready to dart or screech am left weak kneed to see them just go by.Collecting myself and recollecting these things I nearly jog home to be calmed to a small extent by the beauty of the moonlit sky..
happy to be home atlast I am not sure as to how do I look to an outsider but don a smile and a stance of confidence where as within am ready to faint..still not sure as to why is it so.Stepping into my abode of safety,security and warm welcomes I see a subtle fear lurking in the eyes of my parents,a reason which strengthens my act of normalcy(a small price to pay for a wish of independence).Wishing to remember all the good memories on my walk,I try to deliberately erase the vile ones to move on in life!!well it was a walk to remember..

A vision....

What is a sparrow?this was a question i asked my father a year or two ago.Its not just this tiny yet lovable species that have disappeared from our perception of a modern world.They along with many more small breeds have vanished or are almost close to extinction to satisfy our craving for space.

Thinking about the future generation,I feel that the vibrant and colourful pictures in "Jungle Book"will turn out to be just fiction.Not only that any family album with sceneries in the background would be called a hoax.Already living in an almost claustrophobic concrete jungle,I feel like a firefly confined in a glass jar.In their persuit for finding more place for themselves our selfish fellow beings have dispelled my little friends by cutting down age old trees and have constructed this polluted cocoon we live in.Though I try to move away my heart flutters like the wings of a firefly and exhausts itself in the same spot because of bonds that keep me in this cocoon.It might seem an amusing play to an ignorant onlooker but only one who can empathise with this problem would choke.

As I see high authorities trying to contemplate over this issue of saving our surroundings I offer a silent prayer of thanks because if nothing is done to protect our ambience, pollution will drive us to death as we have driven those sparrows to extinction and pave way to an unimaginable future.Nevertheless while I see some serious ground work being done for awareness of these problems I dare to dream to have fresh breeze every morning,dare to think of walking barefoot on green grass,hope to look up to see dense trees swaying in merriment to find a ray of sunshine through them,imagine birds with their little one's and fancy seeing little kids being their innocent selves(a lost treasure)running around in anticipation to see "moglie".......

have a green week ahead

take care..

true monster..

Have people ever seen a spider on its web?Spider!the name itself contributes wierd sounds and expressions from many.Its given a common name "monster" or anything on the same lines...i sympathise with my little friend and wonder why have they tagged it with such an unfair name when there are brutes around us who are true monsters(in the literal sense).if you are still puzzled over what i have said,take a good look around.

One of them is sure to resemble this new"lover".I had always questioned why were the terms love and sacrifice associated with each other?but in this new era of obsession driven monsters,i get to see the gory picture every other week.well, if all the other such"love sick"rotten romeos are around thinking or rather mistaking obsession for love,i wish you a rude awakening.Wake up!!its ironical to see this roots digging into cinemas.Remember all those villans who potray a man with a mean streak who always bothers the heroine?and the hero rescuing her quickly followed by the ever late police??am sure everyone can associate with this(what with it happening in every other movie).looks like our romeos(read hooligans)cannot understand the difference between reel and real life.follow the trail in real life.a guy confesses his love(read warning of obsession),the girl refuses(its her life!she has a right to say no),the absent hero replaced by worried and rather unsuccessful parents(to protect her),the lover turned stalker hunts the girl(his so called love)after an impulsive or delibrate act to hurt her walk off almost free and even after the girl(s) sustaining serious injuries the police is still stingy with their punishments.though such comparision is unfair to my friend,the spider,our real monsters are lurking in our own surroundings.
such incidents leave a gory impression in the minds of people and reduce their trust and respect on their police force.even though this might seem lilliputian when compared to world peace disorders,they still need serious and effective measures from the government of our country.atleast after so many incidents I hope there is hope for security in future for which the police along with the law and order in our country need to take long strides.dont you think so?I look over my shoulder once in a while to ensure my safety,hope you are doing so too......

signing off for now

take care

images and their impacts

hi there,

after pondering over the question of what to write in this blog for a long while,i have decided to write about all those things which left or still leave an impact on me...the excitement for buying all things necessary for a new school year,for a birthday,a new hope with every sunrise,happiness for getting a dog,thrill of the first bicycle ride,for getting a new pair of shoes,the magic of the first rain every year,the aroma of coffee,a vision for the holidays ahead on the last exam(during the exam),blossoming of flowers every evening(jasmine),the joy and envy of watching a plant growing taller than me,an occasional fight(and patch up)with a friend,getting the march past right at the nick of the moment,the sound of dosa batter on a hot pan(well its special to me)all small pleasures and treasures in life along with some funny memories of getting my first heels to look taller,a grudge against a tailor who spoilt a dress,trying to smuggle in many strays....it just goes on.......and on and onnnnnnnnn........as i move on with life each day gives me something new to remember.for 2day its my first post!!a memory to treasure.hope its the same for you too...n you remembered a few things of your own past..
take care