my debt to a kabuthar( pigeon)

i remember all those old stories in which one reads about pigeons,which were our ancient postal system..the kings used them,the warriors,the heers and ranjhas of those times so on and so forth and then our bollywood played an important role in reminding us of them....well all these flashes of introduction are for a simple reason...my elder sister and I wanted to relive this ancient..well it was a novel experience for me as i had written letters so far in 3 languages only for marks in school and that never was as exciting as this one...especially because i never had to stick a stamp on the envelope and drop it in the post box.

as for the experience for waiting for a letter(one which never reached)was also very rel.in short annoying.my sister called to tell that maybe her postman dint understand my handwriting,which is strange as i had received her letter which bore her handwriting

(which is akin to a pigeons's).she also introduced me to a new variety of speed post."stick a stamp of smaller denomination"she said.i wonder if the postman is a direct descendant of pigeon or if he were a pigeon in his last life,because for all i know the "speed post" i sent might also be lost if he cant read neat handwriting.i wish he has a course from a pigeon to know how to read envelopes and would be my debt to my kabuthar.

my eternal love..

As i grew up in this Bollywood crazy country,i soaked some of my ambiance..where one sees or rather hears cliché dialogs of main tumhare liye chand thod launga..(literally..ill break the moon for you..)everyday,which sounds silly but Juliet still fell for the road romeo for these dialogs.oh even i occasionally believe in werewolves on full moons,friendly vampires,knights in shining armors and unicorns...but presently as i grow up,these knights in armors are turning to be vampires(only less charming than edward cullen)...as one tries to convey his/her thoughts of this so called love across to their beloved,i see this effect of Bollywood in their lives... it brings back the fond memories of those iron particles going hey-wire due to the effect of a magnet(thier near future)and of the old man in the salon giving his customer a center shock hairstyle(their mental condition after the gloss fades away,like toms love for jerry)....i believe that a day will come when opposites will repel and likes will attract,so unlike my magnet's nature,and i wish to its reaction....

i vividly remember jai(imran khan) telling simran(sonam kapoor)"yeh sab tumhare un stupid filmon k wajah se hua hai"(all this has happened because of your stupid films) and i so agree with the title"i hate love stories"(when its meaningless)

eppo kallambarengo?(when are u leaving?)

one simple journey started when my aunt and i wanted to visit another aunt of mine in Bangaluru.the day being the day the country's most awaited and hyped verdict was to be given,the Ayodhya verdict to be precise.the sensational hype created by the nation by giving early leaves to all working bodies to avoid any kind of violence was amazing.

everyone at my place was glued to the television anticipating the verdict.the chatter by the reporter being echoed by my grandpa...eppo kallambarengo?!you will be in trouble if you delay your departure......

my frantic aunt from bangaluru calling to inquire...are you coming?eppo kallambarengo?

my parents getting tensed by the moment...meanwhile 'iron leg'(my nick name which has nothing to do with my leg more of my luck of always reaching late during a journey)was packing few snacks in anticipation of the combined effect of my luck and the verdict's after effect.

though with all the hype we were blessed to have got empty busses on time(those who have travelled with luggage on the rush hour buses would agree) and reached the station early enough to see all the passengers of our train with ample time to spare to check out the whole station.

with nothing to do my aunt and i chat and slowly board our train.our bay mainly consisting of ladies,we chit chat about all thing including the 'verdict' and time flew.ironically we reached out destination on the dot.andf life seemed better if not normal.

a coolie haggling with all his worth and an old couple not giving an inch,famalies reaching out to each other,enthusiastic friends calling each other,the auto wallahs nagging elli hogidhira..auto beka...life seemed normal..as good as any other day and there i pause for a second and wished to ask all the sensation creating news channels who try to provoke a peaceful nation "EPPO KALLAMBARENGO?"

amendment??over what?

An amendment they call it….why this big word has little importance in our country is beyond me. When I read the papers that splash this amendment all over the paper but have a nagging doubt if it will ever see some daylight! This amendment that has made an appearance after decades of struggle from the activists fighting for a safe future for our womankind, will it really get effective support?

Amateur is what I call myself in this arena. I believe every girl everywhere must have gone through a kind of harassment somewhere at some point of time,what she does or how she deals with it might be different.what was her fault i ask myself.was it that she was born a girl to begin with?or is it the a handful of males can't accept her as part of the so called their “domain”. Though this change is welcome, it still belittles the trauma faced by the victim to a mere punishment of small fines and leniency on part of the police force.

The government expects a woman to voice out when she is harassed sexually or abused in any manner. How it asks of it so blatantly is hard to understand. Especially when a few shameless police officials are part of this crime? How does a person expect a sound response when he has stifled it with so much ease? Would it feel akin to being choked and asked to speak just after releasing the grip?

In all the emotional tangles she faces that are a mixture of shame, humiliation, helplessness, anger and frustration,this may seem like a small ray of light after a turbulent dark night.what the government fails to notice is that if this amendment has taken 3 decades to take some hazy form,how long would it be effectively implemented to erase the crimes in the sector which are running in 5 digit scales already?

is this consideration, an elusion or just an illusion?

Reminisce

This time of the year is back where i usually muse over my deeds of the past year,categorize them into 4 columns..good,bad,improve and remove.....well this assessment goes on throughout the year but this is when i actually decide what to change in and around me.I remember last year i had made a resolution by this time,to not have unnecessary arguments.i had made a long list but this was my first priority.well as resolutions are fated to be broken,inevitably even this faced the same fate.So this year am amendeing it a bit and puting it up on the list like decorations on a christmas tree.this year i realised that having a different opinion is not unusual,but what you make of it can make the issue,the person involved or you unique.Its not uncommon to dislike people,i have heard this umpteen times.but the problem i realised lies in my reasoning.its somehow like a child's,who would like or dislike anything for a a very minute or simple reason which may sound ridiculous to anyone of my age.like...this new year i was planning not to wish a few people,just to see if they would remember to,alas!they dint.and this became a simple but complex reason for me to be really silent around them...to the point where one might say i just ignore(well this is better than arguing and making a fuss)......in short i have made a few decisions like
not to be overfriendly
not to talk until its necessary around a few people(around those who dont acknowledge my existance)
not be too frank
to pull my self control up a notch......
well these are a few decisions(NOT resolutions) that i feel is i can improve,remove........
if you have suggestions or advices,please do me the favour of letting me know here.
have a great year ahead...

Bewildered

this diwali has been an emotional turmoil.these past days i was wondering what do i write about?but now concluded on puting forth my thoughts in this blog.has anyone felt like they were in a cross road where they were captured in the center of it?where they were locked or bound in a human circle of expectations exactly opposite to atleast one person in the same circle?have there been such moments where the whole world had gone in a blur because of your own conflicting mind or fickle emotions?have there been times where one's happiness seems to a heartbreak to another??can it be so that what's good for us actually hurts us the most?can it be that whats right for others is wrong to me and whats right for me is wrong to others?in all these questions and no answers to seek,is it a crime to follow our heart?to break myself free from this complicatedly linked emotional prison am bound to break a few links considering its good for them,but is it really?i had thought that everything does'nt last,still think so,am i wrong?while my life was a beautiful tapestry with spools of threads thrown in due to the presense of a few people its heartbreaking to pull a few out and leave an unfinished picture....an unfinished picture called experience which fills itself again with threads of courage which turns out to be a distinct picture of life...a courage which lends the strength to move on no matter what awaits you at the end of the dark tunnel.as light follows darkness in myths...i hope this light fills in the life of people who have moved ahead or are left behind....i wish this diwali their life's loose threads get tied up and gives them an oppertunity to seek their happiness......i also wish i could gift a little happiness to them too..

A walk to remember.

Dont mistake this post to be about the book or the film by this name.This is about just an ordinary walk which keeps giving me the feeling of deja vu.On a cold rainy night as I walk back home from my bus stop there are lot of things happening in and around me.I curse the moist weather for being so since two days.On my way the road seems deserted and a bit creepy.The only few people seen are huddled near the chat walah.The aroma of the spicy dishes beckons me but Imove on.The clicking of my watch coincides with my heartbeat.As I walk through gusts of wind I feel chilled to the bone and yearn to reach home as soon as possible.Eventhough the road seems never ending I have no choice to move on and fantasize of seeing my house walking to pick me up from the busstop just to be brought out of it from my dream by a little girl smiling and enjoying the rain.I search through myself to find enough enthusiasm to return her smile with adequate radiance to keep her happy and walk on having a trace of that smile left on my lips.Am jarred by two ruffians who speed past leering and commenting in a vile language.Relief courses through me to see them gone only to find them coming back.I tremble with terror and rage in equal proportions while am ready to dart or screech am left weak kneed to see them just go by.Collecting myself and recollecting these things I nearly jog home to be calmed to a small extent by the beauty of the moonlit sky..
happy to be home atlast I am not sure as to how do I look to an outsider but don a smile and a stance of confidence where as within am ready to faint..still not sure as to why is it so.Stepping into my abode of safety,security and warm welcomes I see a subtle fear lurking in the eyes of my parents,a reason which strengthens my act of normalcy(a small price to pay for a wish of independence).Wishing to remember all the good memories on my walk,I try to deliberately erase the vile ones to move on in life!!well it was a walk to remember..